Love Beyond Destiny Page 11

  “Should my ears have been burning?”

  Marcus smiled before standing to come and meet me as I walked along one of the garden’s many pathways.

  “Maybe just a little. I’m sorry I didn’t come to find you today. I had some things I needed to take care of that just wouldn’t keep. I can’t wait to visit with you alone, but Raudrich and I have something we need to discuss with you. Do you have a few minutes? He will probably already be waiting for us in the library if we head that way now.”

  Immediately, unease began to course through me. Little alarm bells started going off in my mind, warning me that all I’d vowed to leave behind only the night before was already coming back to haunt me. I didn’t want any part of it.

  “What’s this about, Marcus?”

  He stopped, and I could tell by the small, uncomfortable gesture he made with his nose that he didn’t want to tell me. That was fine with me—I truly didn’t want to know.

  “I really think it’s better if Raudrich and I talk to you about it together. He knew Ross. He knows more about this situation than I do.”

  I shook my head. I’d meant everything I’d felt so intensely the night before. Ross could keep his secrets. He was dead. They no longer had power over me. I wasn’t curious. I didn’t want them.

  “No. I know Ross lied to me about Cagair. I know there are probably many other lies. I could see from how shocked Raudrich was to learn about Ross’ magic that he would seek answers, and that’s his choice to do so, but I want no part of it.”

  Marcus sighed and reached up to run a hand over his face before reaching for my hand.

  “I understand that. I promise you, I do, but you need to know this. You’ll want to.”

  It didn’t matter what they were going to tell me. It wouldn’t bring Ross back to me. In truth, I wasn’t even sure I wanted him anymore. I’d give up my own limbs to get back the version of Ross I knew, but I no longer believed that the man I’d known had been real. I’d been in love with the great and powerful Oz, but underneath, he’d been someone very different. Someone who could lie to me to keep me captive in a time not my own—someone selfish enough to die and leave me.

  I thought I was finished crying for Ross, but tears from somewhere deep inside me began to well up as I pulled away from Marcus’ grip.

  “No!” I knew I screamed a little too loudly. “No matter what you have learned about Ross, I don’t want to hear a word of it. Not ever. All I want is to move on from him. Go and tell Raudrich that I don’t ever want Ross’ name mentioned around me again, and then, when you’re ready to talk about literally anything else, come and find me.”

  I tore away from the garden and didn’t look back or stop until the door to my cabin slammed shut behind me.

  Once alone, I fell back against the door and cried for what I swore would be the last time.

  “Where is she? Could ye not find her? I just saw Liv in the kitchens. I’m sure she will know where we can find Silva.”

  Marcus held up a hand to stop Raudrich, as he shook his head, his heart heavy and confused. Last night, he’d thought perhaps Silva’s kiss meant she was ready to love again, but her reaction tonight had shown him that she was anything but.

  Ross still had so much control over Silva’s heart. There was still no room for him inside.

  “She’s not coming. She doesn’t want to know.”

  Raudrich’s thick brows pulled tightly together. “What do ye mean she doesna want to know? What did ye say to her?”

  “I only told her that we needed to talk to her. She guessed it was about Ross. When I told her it was, she refused to come with me. She says that she never wants you to mention him around her again. She truly wants to leave him in the past.”

  “Why do ye look so devastated by that, Marcus? I can see that ye care for her. Shouldna ye be pleased that she is ready to move on?”

  “Perhaps, but if she was so ready to move on, the very mention of him wouldn’t have caused her to scream and run away in the other direction. She may think she’s ready to move on, but she’s nowhere near it.”

  Raudrich laughed and stood before walking over to him. “Then help her get ready, Marcus. Take yer time with her, aye, but I’ve always found that bravery is far more important than being ready. The verra fact that she says she wishes to move on takes more courage than ye can possibly know. The last thing ye should do is pull away from her, lad. If she doesna wish to speak of Ross, then we willna tell her. I shall begin searching for him on my own. I’ll write to Sydney right away. She’ll be happy to help, I’m certain. In the meantime, show her that ye are the man that Ross wasna. Show her that it shoulda been ye all along.”

  He desperately wanted to be that man for Silva. She occupied his every thought. She had for months.

  “I don’t see how we can shield this from her forever. Once we find him, she’s bound to find out that he lives.”

  Raudrich smiled. “Then what are ye doing wasting yer time with me? Aye, I know ’tis likely that she will learn the truth, but if I were ye, rather than worrying about it, I’d be spending my time making sure that by the time she does find out, that her heart was truly and surely mine.”

  Chapter 21

  “Silva, open the door. Do ye plan to sleep all day? What’s the matter with ye? Are ye ill?”

  Slowly, I opened my eyes and raised my groggy head from the pillow at the sound of Olivia’s voice bellowing through the closed door.

  My head felt heavy, my ears hurt, my throat was just about swollen shut. I was most definitely ill.

  “Yes, actually, I believe I am.”

  There was a brief moment of silence before Liv’s voice called out to me again.

  “Then what are ye doing locking yer door? If ye are ill, ye need to let me in so I can care for ye.”

  Moving toward the lock, I turned it and stepped back so Olivia could enter. She looked me up and down and grimaced.

  “Ye look frightening. Yer cabin even smells ill. How long have ye been feeling this way?”

  I shrugged. “It must have come on sometime during the night. I knew I felt very stuffy when I went to sleep, but I assumed that was because I’d been crying.”

  She frowned and reached for my hand before thinking better of it. “Why were ye crying?”

  “It doesn’t matter. Can you go to the kitchen and get me some tea? And find Myla and ask her if she knows of any herbs I could use to perhaps feel a bit better? I know she’s been studying them.”

  Olivia nodded and turned toward the door. “Aye, o’course. Did ye know there was a present outside yer door?”

  I stepped toward the doorway to look outside. A dozen different colored roses from the garden were tied together with a letter. Smiling, I bent to pick it up as I hurried to open the letter.

  Silva,

  * * *

  Join me for dinner tonight? I’ll pick you up at 8:00.

  * * *

  Marcus

  * * *

  “Well, he’s rather certain of himself, aye? He asked ye as if it were a true question, and then he just tells ye that he shall pick ye up regardless. Will ye go?”

  I attempted to smell the roses, but only succeeded in sniffling. I couldn’t smell a thing.

  Still, I couldn’t help but smile. Marcus had enjoyed our kiss, and he’d heard me when I told him I was ready to move on. Now, after what seemed like so many months since our little romance had begun, he was finally making a move.

  “Yes. I’ll feel better tonight if I have to will myself to health. Go and seek out Myla as quickly as you possibly can.”

  Olivia frowned. “Wouldna ye rather me get one of The Eight? They could use magic to heal ye.”

  The very thought seemed wasteful and frivolous. Magic was a gift. The occasional sickness was entirely human. I could handle it without the use of such powers.

  “Definitely not. I’ll be better by dinner. I’m sure of it.”

  All the tea and herbs in the world weren’t going to cure w
hatever ailed me. By the time night fell over the castle, I was ninety-nine percent sure that only time would do that—time I didn’t have before Marcus was set to pick me up.

  “Ye truly doona look so bad. Yer hair looks lovely pinned up as ye have it, and ’tis truly yer bonniest dress. I doona think he will notice the shade of yer nose.”

  The shade of my nose was firehouse red.

  “Even if he was color blind—which I’m pretty sure he isn’t—it wouldn’t keep him from missing the constant stream of gunk dripping out of it.”

  I sniffled and sneezed and pressed my hanky to my face once more.

  “Liv, I hate to do this, but will you go and find him and tell him I can’t go? I definitely do not want him to see me like this.”

  As if summoned by my words, there was a rough knock on the door.

  “Shit!” I collapsed onto the edge of the bed and waved Liv toward the door. “Send him away. Don’t let him see me.”

  She smiled sympathetically at me, but I could see part of her was trying not to laugh.

  “I know ye feel rotten, but ye truly think ye look worse than ye do, but aye, I will send him away if ye want me to.”

  Scooting to the far edge of the bed so Marcus couldn’t see me once Liv cracked open the door, I listened on.

  “Liv, good evening. Is your sister ready?”

  Olivia sighed, and I saw her shoulders slump. She didn’t want to let him down any more than I did.

  “She desperately wanted to be ready, but I’m afraid she canna go with ye. She’s quite ill.”

  “Is she really? Or does she just not want to go?”

  Liv snorted, and I frowned.

  “Ach, if ye saw her, ye’d know that she isna lying to ye.”

  “And you’re her caretaker then?”

  “Aye, I’ve been here all day, feeding her tea and Myla’s herbs. Nothing’s helped.”

  “You look tired yourself, Liv. I think it’s time for you to take the night off. I’ll take over from here.”

  My entire body tensed. Surely Liv had the common sense to know that I would simply die if she agreed to let him take care of me.

  “I am rather tired.”

  I was going to kill her.

  “I’m sure you are. They’re just about to serve dinner in the dining hall. Run and get yourself something to eat. I promise you, I don’t care what Silva looks like.”

  “That’s what I told her, but she wouldna listen.”

  “Maybe she’ll listen if I tell her myself.”

  And with that, he stepped inside while the rest of my face turned the same shade of red as my nose.

  “Why didn’t you send word this morning?”

  “Because I just knew I was going to feel better by the time you got here.”

  “Myla’s herbs aren’t what you need, Silva. You need magic. I can have you feeling better in no time at all.”

  I shook my head defiantly. “No. I don’t want to use magic to get over a little cold. It’s wasteful.”

  I prepared myself for his rebuttal, but instead he simply nodded and moved toward the fire.

  “Fine. I won’t use magic, but I’m still going to take care of you. Take your hair down, change into some pajamas, and get into bed. I’ll be back soon with everything I need.”

  Chapter 22

  “Nicol and Freya are fighting now? That’s the very last thing Freya needs. What if the stress of it causes her to fade even more quickly? I know she’s tied to Machara, but haven’t you noticed how Freya’s moods seem to affect just how visible she is? When she’s in a really good mood, she nearly glows. When she’s down, her color is much flatter. It must mean that her own source of power has some strength too.”

  I was still sick. There was absolutely no doubt about that. But the steam bowl he’d made for me, along with the broth he’d whipped up in the castle’s kitchen, had helped far more than the copious cups of tea Liv had supplied me with.

  “Yes. Nicol left the castle yesterday morning. I was speaking to Freya about it before you came into the garden last night. She confronted him about her suspicions that he’d taken a lover. Nicol didn’t take it well.”

  “I would think not. I don’t blame Freya for wondering, but it’s only further proof that Freya is as worried about her state as the rest of us. She should know how devoted he is to her.”

  “Deep down she does know that. It’s exactly what you said—she’s frightened. She’s always known that eventually Machara would be gone, and with it, so would she. But I think it has always seemed like that time was very far away. She can sense it creeping closer now.”

  I nodded as I scooted up in my bed so I could take another drink of broth. For hours while he cared for me, we talked about all he and Brachan learned while they were away. His kindness disarmed me and it didn’t take long for me to forget how wretched I looked and just surrender to his capable care.

  He pointed to the bowl I held up to my mouth.

  “Finish that up and then turn around so that your head is at this end. I’ll massage your head for a bit. I can tell it’s hurting you.”

  My head was splitting from the pressure of my stuffed sinuses. A head massage sounded divine.

  “How can you tell?”

  “You keep squinting.”

  There wasn’t much left in the bowl so I quickly threw it back and then crawled out of my covers so I could turn to lay my head in his lap. The moment his fingers wound their way into my hair, I sighed.

  “That feels amazing. Is there anything you’re not good at?”

  He laughed and I opened my eyes to see his chin bobbing up and down in a yes.

  “Plenty. I’m a terrible singer, and if there’s ever a spider around, I am not the man you need to call. Insects terrify me.”

  I laughed, thinking of big, strong Marcus jumping at the sight of a spider. “You’re joking.”

  His fingers moved to knead at my neck and I groaned. “I’m entirely serious.”

  I relaxed into him, allowing his fingers to work and roam over my scalp and neck. Slowly but surely, my headache began to dissolve. Just as I was nearing sleep, he spoke again.

  “I believe the young man we brought back to the castle with us has a bit of a crush on your stepsister.”

  Sighing, I slowly lifted my head from his lap.

  “I was afraid of that. What do you think about him?”

  Marcus shrugged and stood to lift the blankets on the bed so that I could crawl back under them. I hesitated as I crawled inside and then scooted over just a bit before motioning for him to join me.

  Smiling, he nodded before removing his shoes, slipping in next to me, and pulling me into his arms. My head moved to his chest with ease, and I smiled as he spoke into my hair.

  “I’m not sure. I think he means well. He just still has a whole lot of growing up to do. He showed Brachan and me a great kindness, but he also lied, although I suspect it was out of necessity. The boy has no family. I believe he’s been on his own for quite some time.”

  “I guess I’m going to have to let Liv make her own mistakes. I just hope she doesn’t make any that will have her mother coming for my blood.”

  Marcus laughed and I trembled as his warm breath wafted down my spine.

  “Is your stepmother that scary?”

  I adore my father’s wife, and it makes me so happy that she makes him happy, but I can’t bear to think of her as my stepmother. “Please don’t call her that. She’s barely older than I am.”

  “What?” Marcus sounded appalled.

  “My dad is quite a bit older than her. In fairness, he had me when he was sixteen, so it’s not quite as creepy as it sounds.”

  I felt him nod against my head.

  “Ah, I see. Silva.” He hesitated, and I knew our conversation was about to take a more serious turn. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Yes.”

  “What was that kiss on New Year’s? Was it just tradition, or was it meant to tell me something? And please rem
ember what I told you the first night you arrived here. You can’t do or say anything that will take away my friendship. I hoped that the roses would convey my intentions, but I was going to ask what you wanted over dinner tonight.”

  Placing my palm on his chest, I lifted myself so I could look at him as I spoke. I’d wanted to be more than friends for far longer than I was comfortable admitting, but all he needed to know was that I was ready now.

  “This year has been the most difficult of my life. For the longest time, I didn’t want to feel anything other than my grief, because even though I was miserable, it kept me close to Ross. And later—when I did want to feel more than that soul-hollowing sadness—I doubted that I ever would again. The night of Laurel and Raudrich’s wedding was the first time I realized that I still had some capacity to feel more than just numbness or sorrow. And that was before I really knew you. Your friendship has helped me believe that this could be my new home, but I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t speed up every time I looked at you.”

  I paused. I could see his breath catch as a vein in his neck began to visibly pulse more quickly. I smiled as I continued. “I’m not whole yet, Marcus. Not even close. I’ll never be the same person I was before Ross died, but I’d like to discover the person I am now, and I’d like to do that with you if you’ll let me. You’ll have to tread carefully and take your time, but yes, that kiss was meant to tell you that I think I’m ready to see where things go.”

  Marcus smiled and leaned forward to give me one brief, soft, tender kiss before standing from the bed. “You’ve made my entire year, Silva. I’ve wanted you since the moment I saw you.”

  I giggled and snuggled back down into the blankets as he looked down at me.

  “The year’s only just started.”

  He nodded. “I know it has. You get some sleep. You need it. I’ll come to check on you and bring you something to eat in the morning. If you’re feeling any better, perhaps you can go with Brachan and me to Freya’s gravesite tomorrow night.”